maanantai 30. joulukuuta 2013

Just thinking.

Sometimes it would be good to thank people who make it possible to you be where you are and have what you have. And I know those people, but sometimes, most of times I don't know what I really have or where I are. What I have that makes me want to thank someone. I don't know and what that makes me? Ungrateful?

Lets sum up something. I have food to eat. I have clothes that I pretty much want. I have the possibility to do most things I want. I have friends. I have what anyone needs to have a good life and most times it isn't enough. Any of that really don't make me happy. All the negatives feel more to me, I don't let me be happy. I block it as hard as I can.

Loneliness even when I am not alone strikes me more than not. Friends are all around me and I don't give a shit what they are saying. I don't even hear them really. Do I deserve them?

And what the hell I want? I really don't know. Maybe someone that understands me but can I wait to find that person when I self don't always undestand me. And even if I found that people could I get him? I'm afraid of failure and that makes me coward. I avoid situations where I have something to lose. I keep me locked in because I don't think it is something she would like. Hell I haven't met me for a long time. So if the one who has the key hears, come and use it. Unlock me, thanks.